Escaping Demons
by GeekBastard23
Summary: After a devastating phone call and a failed attempt to talk to someone about it, Tony realizes that sometimes it's not enough to be on his own. Slash Gibbs/Tony
1. Silent Modality

_**A/N, or: A longish ramble.**  
I know I've said that I would stop posting here due to some issues, but as you can see I've changed my mind. I hope you know that I didn't do it for the attention or anything, but it's just the way it is. What changed my mind about posting here in the end were the many, many PMs and reviews I've received over the last two months and which are still coming in even now.  
Thanks, guys, so much for your awesome and encouraging words. They really helped a lot and showed me that the good people are by far outweighing the bad ones. Thanks!  
So, yeah, here I am... new start, new nickname, new everything xD  
_

_On another note, I hope you like this little story... it's not going to be too long, probably about five or six chapters. I hope I'll be able to post weekly, I'm trying to keep my Sunday deadline... _

Disclaimer: NCIS and its characters really don't belong to me, etc.  


* * *

_**Escaping Demons**_

**Chapter One: Silent Modality**

"Okay, thanks," Tony mumbled before he hung up his phone.

Sinking back into the cushions of the couch, he ran a tired hand over his face, desperately trying to get a grip on himself. This hadn't just happened. This couldn't be happening. That phone call had just been a dream for sure and he was still enjoying that movie he had been looking forward to watching for such a long time – only now he couldn't even remember the title.

_Shit._

He picked his phone back up from where he had thrown it onto the coffee table earlier and scrolled through his contacts, trying to decide who he wanted to talk to about it. He briefly entertained the idea of McGee, but he would be beyond awkward and probably would try to hug him. Tony sure as hell couldn't handle that. Ziva would have been nice, but she was out of town for the weekend, meeting her boyfriend's parents for the very first time. She would be able to understand him and would probably even want to cancel her plans, but she deserved better and Tony wouldn't spoil her weekend off like that. Sure, he could always call Abby, but their relationship had been rather rocky and strained over the last couple of weeks, even though Tony had no idea why that was. It was like she somehow _knew_ and it frightened him more than he cared to admit.  
He finally paused his scrolling as he reached the particular name he always seemed to be drawn to whenever times got rough. He stared at it for a couple of long minutes, trying to decide if he could really do it. It certainly wasn't particularly wise or prudent, but he also knew that he needed to talk to someone – and they were still friends after all. At least, that was what he had told himself time and time again.

.

An hour later, Tony couldn't help but feel slightly stupid. He was currently sitting on one of the chairs around Gibbs' kitchen table, staring blankly into space and wondering where in the world the older man was on a Sunday afternoon. Sunday was the day of excessive woodworking, Tony knew that better than no one else, but Gibbs had apparently changed his routine since Tony had last been there.  
It was an oddly unsettling feeling. Gibbs didn't like change. Gibbs simply didn't do change, period. But there he was, not working on the new boat downstairs. Tony subtly shook his head at himself and was just about to get up, drive home and get ridiculously drunk when Gibbs' laugh reached his ears.  
He stiffened in his seat as he realized that he had hardly ever heard the man laugh like that before and just when he noticed just how much he had missed it over the last couple of weeks, Gibbs' laughter was joined by another one – and it was definitely male. Tony felt his heart sink. There was the reason why Gibbs had changed his routine – and Tony sure as hell didn't like it.

At all.

"Just going to put the beer in the fridge," Gibbs was saying now, a hint of laughter still audible in his voice.

"'kay," the other man answered.

Tony finally stood up from where he was sitting as Gibbs entered his kitchen, still grinning at first, but the smile disappeared from his face as soon as his glance fell on his Senior Field Agent. They stared at each other for a couple of long and awkward seconds before their eye contact was effectively interrupted by the other guy as he followed Gibbs into the kitchen. He stopped short, though, when he saw the two men staring at each other. He looked from Tony to Gibbs and back again, before he stepped closer towards Tony, reaching out a hand.

"Hi," he said, a friendly smile on his lips. "You must be Tony."

Tony shook his hand automatically, not bothering to answer. What in the world had Gibbs told that… that… _man_ about him? Why did he know who Tony was and why was he still smiling that knowingly at him? This wasn't right… And why was he able to make Gibbs laugh like that?  
Tony knew that he had no right to be angry, none at all. Gibbs could tell people whatever the hell he wanted, but this was _Gibbs_ for heaven's sake and Gibbs rarely ever talked at all. So why start now?  
Balling his hands into fists, Tony took a deep breath, trying to get a grip on himself as he nodded curtly at the other man, who seemed to be a little older than himself. He was just about to walk past both of them, when he felt a warm and somehow still rather clammy hand on his forearm. He looked down at the hand holding him in place before he turned his head ever so slightly so that he could just see Gibbs' face out of the corner of his eye.

"Tony?" Gibbs finally spoke up for the first time since he had noticed Tony in his home, but his voice somehow lacked its usual edge.

"No," Tony simply said after a moment of prolonged silence. "I'm going to go."

And with that he got going again, slamming the front door shut behind him with much more force than strictly necessary.

.

Taking yet another sip from his beer, Tony stared at the blank screen of his TV. He knew that he shouldn't get drunk on a Sunday evening – school night – but he didn't see any other option to numb himself with. Clearly talking was out of the question as there was nobody who'd understand him just now – and it was his own fault, too. Just like always.  
He felt hollow all of a sudden and indescribably lonely. It briefly struck him that he should probably cry - he had managed to lose two people forever in the last couple of weeks after all - but the tears just wouldn't come. He wasn't feeling choked up or even particularly sad. He knew that it would come eventually and would hit him with full force then, but at the moment he was just feeling empty and drained.

He was just about to flick on his TV after all when a silent knock was to be heard. Exhaling slowly, Tony heaved himself off from his couch and slowly went to open the door to his apartment. He sucked in a breath when he realized that it was Gibbs who was standing just outside his door, Tony's cell phone in one hand. His expression was rather stony, but he was staring intently at the younger man once again.

"Forgot your phone," he finally said, his eyes never leaving Tony's.

"Thanks," Tony pressed out, wishing that Gibbs would just look away. "Wouldn't want to break Rule Three, would we?"

Gibbs just nodded curtly, looking somewhat torn for a moment before he took a step towards Tony.

"Noah and me are…" he started hesitantly, but Tony just shook his head, cutting him off.

"Don't have to explain… it's… it's none of my business."

Gibbs stared at him, his eyes narrowing, but remained silent for a few moments and Tony wished that he would have just shut up for once. He hadn't meant to say that because he really wanted it to be his business, really wanted to talk to the older man again, but he had yet again said things he didn't really mean – or had thought he didn't really mean. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before he steadily looked back at Gibbs, hoping that he could tell him how he really felt like that. It had worked for years, but now Gibbs just shook his head almost imperceptibly and his expression had suddenly changed from stony to angry.

"Yeah," he finally said. "You made damn well sure of that, didn't you?"

With that, he handed the cell phone over to Tony and without another look at him, left his apartment.

Tony stared at the closed door for more than a few minutes, wondering what in the world just happened. How had he managed to screw up like that? Why did he always do that whenever he was just a tiny bit happy? He numbly walked back towards the couch and sank down onto it, finally feeling the tears start to roll down his cheeks. How had he ended up like that with one father and one lover short?

Just… how?


	2. Noisy Confrontation

_A/N: Look at that, the second chapter and it's not even Sunday yet xD  
Thanks so much for all the reviews, favorites and alerts! :) I'm glad you liked it so far :) Thanks :)_

* * *

**Chapter Two: Noisy Confrontation**

Tony steeled himself as the doors of the elevator opened up to the bullpen the next morning. He probably should have just called in, explain what had happened, but he had decided to just do it in person to get it over with. He briskly walked over to his desk, just catching the end of McGee and Ziva's banter about her weekend with her boyfriend and his parents. She was smiling broadly at something that McGee had just said and Tony felt a slight pang of jealousy shoot through him. If even Ziva, after everything she had been through, had managed to be happy again, why couldn't he do the same for once?  
Subtly shaking his head, Tony nodded at both Ziva and Tim before he walked up towards Gibbs' desk. His boss was staring intently at the monitor of his computer, the ever-present cup of coffee in one hand. Tony was sure that Gibbs knew perfectly well that he was standing there, waiting for him to look up, but he made no move to do so. Finally, Tony straightened up a bit and loudly cleared his throat, causing Gibbs to avert his glance from the computer after all.

"Boss," Tony started, hating that his voice sounded rather forlorn. "I need a couple of days off."

Gibbs looked at him for a moment, his eyes tracing his face, and Tony realized that he was searching for something that would give him away, but Tony remained as expressionless as he could manage as he stared right back at him.

"What for? Some frat boy party?"

Tony sucked in a breath because, hell, that one hurt, especially considering that Gibbs knew perfectly well that he was mostly left out of any of his former frat brothers' activities after he had canceled that cruise a couple of years ago to lend his dad some money. He didn't say anything for a moment, trying to fight down the sudden tears that had clouded his eyes.

"No," he finally said as calmly as he could manage. "But I thought a dead father might do the trick."

Gibbs blinked once and Tony was able to see all color drain from his face as he opened and closed his mouth in an attempt to reply. He remained silent, though, and instead ran a hand over his face. Just as he was about to answer after all, McGee, who had been strikingly silent before, spoke up, his voice quiet as if he was trying to soothe him. Only after a moment, Tony realized that he was actually trying to calm him down.

"I'm sorry, Tony," he said. "What happened?"

The Senior Field Agent turned around to face Tim's desk as he explained. "Heart attack in a hotel in L.A. Some woman called the ambulance immediately, but it was too late."

McGee nodded ever so slightly, a sad smile on his lips and Tony immediately knew that he could have called him despite his doubts the night before. The younger man seemed to genuinely understand him. It would have been really good to talk to him, but it was too late now, was it?  
Before he could dwell on it for too long, though, Ziva had snuck up on him once more and was suddenly standing right in front of him. She looked at him for a second or two, her head cocked to one side before she gave him a rather awkward, though heartfelt hug. Tony's hands came around her almost automatically. He breathed in her smell and suddenly realized just how much he had missed being touched like that. He didn't want Ziva to touch him like that, but he missed it in general. Another pang of regret shot through him as he realized that he could have had it all.  
He squeezed his eyes shut before he let go of her, giving her a crooked smile.

"What do you need?" Ziva asked after a moment, echoing his very words from back when her father had died.

Tony let out a sigh and squeezed her shoulder for a second before his glance traveled back to Gibbs who was still sitting at his desk, looking rather pale.

"Just a couple of days to plan the funeral and all that stuff. I'll be fine."

Gibbs remained unmoving as he stared right back at him. It took a few seconds before he answered, causing both McGee and Ziva to turn towards him, too.

"Where is it?"

"Long Island," Tony answered truthfully, though slightly startled as he hadn't expected that kind of question.

"I'm coming with you," Gibbs said now, not quite meeting his eye as he grabbed for his gun and badge from one of the drawers of his desk.

"No," Tony all but cried out, startling McGee who had just come to a stop right next to him. "I mean," he continued much quieter and in what he hoped was a reasonable tone of voice. "I mean… they can't spare you, too."

Gibbs remained silent at that, but he had paused in mid-step now, once again staring at him.

"I could go with you," Ziva diffused the sudden tension that hovered in the air.

"Can't," Gibbs countered. "You got that thing with Mossad at MTAC tomorrow."

"Right," she sighed. "I am sorry."

"That's okay, Ziva," Tony replied with a smile. "Appreciate it."

She nodded ever so slightly but Tony just noticed it peripherally as his glance was still glued to Gibbs' face. He was still rather pale but he somehow managed to still look slightly angry at the same time.

"I'm fine, Boss, really," Tony tried again, but the older man just shook his head.

"You want to go alone?" he asked, a slight edge to his voice.

Tony stayed silent for a moment or two when he realized that he really didn't want to go alone. He hated being alone for something like this.

"No," he finally said quietly. "No."

"Then you're stuck with me," Gibbs answered resolutely, though his eyes gave away the slight insecurity he apparently felt.

Tony still wasn't used to anything that would betray Gibbs' vulnerability, even after all these years and the last few months especially. He had seen so many shades of him and yet Tony still liked to hold on to the cold bastard image. It didn't do Gibbs any justice, he knew that, but he still couldn't help it.  
He interrupted his own train of thought as he just shrugged and then nodded at Gibbs before he turned around.

"I'll pick you up in an hour," Gibbs said now, already halfway on his way to the director's office.

.

Tony chanced a sideway glance at Gibbs, trying to come up with something to talk about. The silence in the car was overwhelming, but he had to realize that his thoughts were all over the place and he simply couldn't land on a safe topic to talk about for the time being. Gibbs in the meantime was staring right ahead through the windshield, his gaze never straying left or right. He was gripping the steering wheel rather tightly, though, if his knuckles that had started to turn white already were anything to go by.

"Was that why you were at my place yesterday?" Gibbs finally and uncharacteristically cut the silence short, his eyes still glued to the street. "Your dad?"

"Yeah," Tony sighed, running a tired hand through his hair. "I thought I needed to talk… didn't mean to interrupt."

"You didn't," Gibbs replied and Tony could have sworn that he heard a note of regret in his words.

"Sure did look like it."

"Rule Eight, DiNozzo. Don't assume."

Tony nodded, suddenly very aware that Gibbs had called him by his last name. He didn't like it when they were alone, but then again, the older man was quoting work rules after all.

"So why did that guy… Noah, you said? Why did he know about me?"

Silence.

Then, Gibbs finally averted his eyes from the street and looked at him for a moment.

"Noah's an old buddy from the Marines and I…" he finally answered and Tony immediately knew his words to be true. Gibbs simply wouldn't lie about something like that. "I needed someone to talk to."

"You?" Tony snorted incredulously. "You needed someone to talk to?"

Gibbs turned his head again to glare at him, his eyes piercing him.

"I had a hell of a lot more to say than you the last time we talked if I remember correctly," Gibbs all but spat out.

Tony gaped at him and felt then remorse hit him at full speed. The older man was right after all. They stayed silent for a while after that and Tony started to wonder why Gibbs had wanted to go with him in the first place if he was so angry with him.

"Why him, though?" Tony asked nonetheless after a few minutes of awkward silence.

"Why I talked to Noah?" Gibbs checked back and continued as Tony nodded. "You're seriously asking?" he grinded out, accelerating ever so slightly so that the younger man gripped the door handle a little tighter.

"Well, yeah," Tony gave back. "So, you just talk to the first one available?"

Gibbs stared at him for a moment, swerving slightly as he passed another car at the same time.

"I talked to him because you wouldn't let me talk to anybody else for heaven's sake!" he spat out.

_Oh. Fuck._

Tony just stared at him at a loss of words. What did one reply to that if you had no answer that would actually make sense? Gibbs apparently hadn't expected anything anyway, though, because he had just pulled over at a gas station and was already out the car when Tony realized that the gas tank wasn't even half empty yet. He watched him storm into the station and then took a deep breath.

He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the headrest. He couldn't deal with this now. He had a dead father to think of. He had a funeral to plan. He couldn't – shouldn't – be thinking about Gibbs and how he could make this all alright again. So, why did he then?


	3. Mixed Signals

_A/N: Thank you so much for the feedback! :) A special thanks to the guest reviewers to whom I couldn't respond! Here's the next chapter, hope you like it._

* * *

**Chapter Three: Mixed Signals**

Tony let out a sigh as he hung up the phone and sat down on one the chairs in the hotel lobby. He had let Gibbs go ahead to get their rooms so that Tony could make a call to his dad's lawyer to set up a meeting with him first thing in the morning. Tony ran a hand through his hair as he watched Gibbs talk to the woman at the reception desk. He was still wondering why Gibbs had decided to join him. He was obviously still angry with Tony, could apparently barely stand to ride in a car with him for too long and yet he was there now. Tony just didn't get it. Why would the older man do that to himself?

He watched him for a little while longer until Gibbs suddenly turned around to look at him and then tilted his head a bit to the side, indicating him to come over. Tony stood up again and walked towards the reception desk only now realizing that Gibbs looked rather angry at the moment – again. Steeling himself, Tony forced himself to plaster a grin on his face as he looked at the woman behind the counter. Before he could even say hello, though, Gibbs had beaten him to talking.

"There's only one room available. There's some conference around here or something. What do you want to do?"

Tony stared at him for a second or two, realizing that he had just actually been asked his opinion.

"Uh," he started.

"Uh?" Gibbs replied impatiently. "You could stay here and I'll just look for another room someplace else."

"No, Je… Gibbs," Tony replied, trying to get eye contact, but Gibbs was staring at a point right above his head. "Look, we've shared before. It won't kill us, right? You're here because of me, I won't let you go looking for a room now."

Gibbs remained silent for a moment before he finally trained his eyes on him, a questioning look in them.

"Please?" Tony added for good measure and then saw Gibbs nod reluctantly in return. "We'll take it," he continued, turning to look at the woman in front of them.

He could still feel Gibbs' eyes on him, figuratively burning holes into his head, but he didn't turn around again. It wasn't like now that things were over between them that he would never talk to him, would never do anything for him ever again, but it felt still weird talking to him about anything that wasn't work related. They had managed just fine those last couple of weeks and Tony was sure that nobody – maybe except for Abby because she had given him the evil eye not only once in those last couple of days – had noticed something off between them. Well, that was before that very morning when he had basically shouted at his boss not to accompany him to his father's funeral. He would probably be able to write it off as a slip due to his dad's death and everybody would believe him, but Tony wasn't really worried about McGee or Ziva. He was worried about what Gibbs would think about it, would think about his outburst and would think about sharing a room with him again. But Tony didn't dare to indulge in those thoughts for too long. There were more pressing matters to think about right now…

Tony still hadn't looked at him again when he unlocked the door to their room a couple of minutes later. He let out a sigh as his eyes fell upon the bed inside.

"Of course," he heard Gibbs snap right behind him as he all but threw his bag unto the king-sized bed in the middle of the room.

.

Tony quickly slipped into his jeans and t-shirt before he rubbed his hair dry after the shower he had taken. He felt slightly better now, his headache, caused by the too many beers the night before, was mostly gone by now and he felt like he could survive another round with Gibbs. When he stepped out of the small bathroom, however, he saw the older man sitting there on the bed, leaning against the headboard and staring into space, apparently in deep thought. Hell, he hadn't even heard Tony come back.

"Gibbs?" he asked now and effectively startled the older man out of whatever thought he had just had. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Want to go out? Grab some early dinner?"

Tony blinked once and twice and then a third time. Only minutes before the older man hadn't even talked to him, let alone looked at him and now he wanted to go out for dinner? He didn't get it. He realized that he could probably just ask, but he wasn't ready yet to have that particular conversation.

Finally, he shook his head. "I'd rather order room service. Not quite feeling up for people today."

Gibbs nodded and for a moment Tony was sure that he was masking disappointment, but then the moment was gone and the grim expression from before was back on his face. He got up from the bed now and had already grabbed his jacket when Tony realized that he was about to go out by himself.

"Don't go on my account."

"But you just said…" Gibbs started, but Tony just shook his head.

"I didn't mean you with people, Gibbs. I meant _we_ could order room service, maybe watch a movie or whatever. If… if you wanted."

Gibbs turned to look at him and Tony felt an almost forgotten ache somewhere inside of him as he realized that the older man was actually – actually – smiling at him now. He didn't know why, nor did he even care, but for now Gibbs didn't seem to be angry at him anymore and he was apparently even willing to spend a night in with him like they had done so many times before. For the moment it was all Tony really wanted and needed. The thought made him pause, but only for a second. He shouldn't want this, not after what he had done to Gibbs, but he really did need this. It wasn't for nothing that he had gone over to Gibbs' house the night before to talk to him. He still needed him and although he had made sure that they didn't have a future together, he still wanted them to be friends and maybe Gibbs' willingness to spend the evening in front of the television was a first step towards his goal after all.

.

Tony felt the rather cold April air hit his face the next day as he stepped out of the building where his father's lawyer had his office. He felt sick, indescribably sick and he was damn sure that he would start crying pretty soon, too. This couldn't be true, this simply couldn't be true.  
He hadn't expected to inherit much or even anything from his dad, he knew about his financial problems after all, but he sure as hell hadn't expected him to give everything he did actually still own to some… _woman_ Tony had never even met. His mother's old engagement ring was now the property of one Lindsay Green. When Tony had been younger he had always dreamed about proposing with that ring to whatever girl he would fall in love with. He knew it was stupid, knew it was childish, but he had really wanted that ring. He didn't care about the few thousand dollars in his father's bank account and didn't care about the apartment he had apparently owned somewhere in Monaco. All he had really wanted was that ring, but now it was just as gone as his dad was.

He was just about to wave down a cab to bring him back to the hotel as he noticed Gibbs sitting on a bench a little way down the road. Furrowing a brow, he slowly walked towards him, trying clear his head somewhat. He had no idea why Gibbs was there, but he didn't care because he had suddenly realized that he had really wanted him to be there, had wanted him to be sitting on that bench and to just be there for him.

"Hey," Gibbs said when Tony sat down next to him. "You okay?"

Tony stared right ahead, watching a couple of cars pass by before he shook his head. He didn't say anything for a few minutes even though he could feel Gibbs' eyes on him. He was still trying hard not to cry and only when he felt sure that he would indeed be able to hold back the tears did he start to talk.

"You know… I always knew my father didn't care much about me. Hell, for most of my life I wasn't even sure he actually knew that I really existed outside of this little fantasy life he had dreamed up for me. I never was the perfect kid, never wanted to become a business man and never did what he told me to do and that was okay. It was okay, you know, I didn't need him and he didn't need me. And just when I thought I really was fine with him ignoring me, he came back into my life… but you know all of that already. And this time, I was sure that he really meant to get to know me again. Hell, he actually called once in a while, visited and really seemed to make an effort, you know."

He broke off for a moment, quickly wiping away a treacherous tear that had escaped his eyes. He wouldn't cry in front of Gibbs over something his goddamn father had done to him. He felt the man next to him shift ever so slightly and for a fleeting moment, he really wished that he would just hug him, but Gibbs, of course, did no such thing. He was still just sitting there, patiently waiting for him to continue.

"And then he fucking dares to die and leave the one thing I really, really wanted to some woman he barely even knew. He was engaged to that woman, Gibbs, he was fucking engaged and didn't even tell me. I know he doesn't have to tell me about everything going on in his life, but how could he not have told me about something so important? Who the hell doesn't tell their own son that he wants to get married? Who does that, huh?"

At the last couple of words, Tony had finally turned around to look at the older man next to him. A second later though, he wished he hadn't because this way, he had witnessed the change of expression on Gibbs' face. While it had been sympathetic at the beginning, it had changed from surprise to anger to disappointment in mere seconds. For a moment Tony didn't understand what was going on, but then he mentally replayed the words he had just said. He could see Gibbs clenching his jaw and balling his hands into fists, could see the struggle within the man not to say something as he just stared right back at him.

"I didn't mean to… I mean… you know what I meant, Gibbs," Tony started over, but Gibbs just shook his head and Tony immediately fell silent again, sensing that something had just shifted within the older man.

"No, Tony," he finally said. "I don't know what you mean. Kind of seems to me it's just something you DiNozzos do. Maybe you're not as different from your father as you might think."

Gibbs had spoken calmly, hadn't even raised his voice, but it was his tone, even more than what he had actually said, that made Tony's blood run cold now. It was the kind of voice he usually reserved for killers in the interrogation room when he was about to tell them just how much damage they had inflicted on the bereaved families.  
So this was it. This was the final point for Gibbs. Tony had actually managed to drive him away once and for all, he just knew it.

"Gibbs… Jethro," Tony finally spoke up again, hating himself because his voice was shaking now, "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not," Gibbs countered as he stood up, once again not looking at him. "Not really. I'm going back to the hotel and pack my stuff. Was a foolish idea to believe I could do any good here."

With that, he stepped away from Tony and then started to walk down the street into the general direction of their hotel. Tony knew that he should stop him, knew that he should really try to apologize, but somehow he wasn't even able to get up. He suddenly felt drained, felt like everything was crashing down at him at once and he had no idea how to handle any of it. Just minutes before he was crushed about a ring and that his father hadn't told him about his upcoming wedding, hadn't told him shit about anything, really, and to top even that off, Tony had managed to… hurt Gibbs like that.

He was stupid, beyond stupid, and he _knew_ it, but he simply didn't have the energy to make it alright again. Not when he didn't know what to do or where to even start. He just didn't know. So he just continued to sit there, still trying to fight down the tears in his eyes and trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do now.

* * *

_A/N: Good? Bad? Let me know what you think, please ;)  
_


	4. You said what?

_A/N: A little earlier than planned, but as I'll be away for the weekend, I thought I'd post it today. Hope you don't mind, lol. Anyway, thank you so much for all the reviews, guys. Every single one of them has brightened my day(s). Thanks! :)_

* * *

**Chapter Four: You said what?**

It was almost three hours later when Tony unlocked the door to his hotel room. He had spent a long time sitting on that bench trying to wrap his head around everything. At least his dad's fiancée was in charge of planning the funeral for the most part, Senior had made sure of that in his will. He didn't need to worry about that, then. But even with that load off his shoulders he was still feeling devastated. His father had hurt him a lot, but it wasn't really what was eating at Tony at the moment. When Gibbs had left him sitting there, he had been angry and had felt let down, but the longer he had been staying there the clearer it had become that the older man had been right.

He was just like his father after all.

He might not have been so self-centered and might not have kept his own engagement a secret, but he had wanted to keep his personal life just as private. At the time he hadn't seen what was wrong with that. Gibbs and he had managed just fine for almost a year without anyone noticing, why would they want to destroy their hard work by telling their friends about their relationship? He hadn't understood why Gibbs was so upset about it, hadn't understood why he wanted to tell the others by all means. It just hadn't seemed like the right move, not with everything that was at stake.  
Gibbs had agreed with him at the time, but he had brought it up again and again, causing Tony to defend his side even more vehement with every time. At first they had always managed to make up afterwards, had always had amazing make-up sex, but it hadn't been enough in the long run. The last time Gibbs wanted to persuade him to go public with their relationship he had basically given him an ultimatum.  
It was telling their friends or ending it once and for all and Tony had laughed it off for a few moments before he had caught the look on the older man's face. Gibbs had been angry before, but after realizing that Tony didn't even take him seriously, he looked devastated beyond belief. Hell, Tony couldn't remember seeing him like that ever. Not when Kate had died, not when they had thought that Ziva was dead. But he simply couldn't find the right words to say, couldn't make him see that telling the others was a stupid idea.

And Gibbs simply hadn't listened anymore. He hadn't even shouted at him, hadn't punched him in the face. He had just shut down as he sat down on his couch, staring at the blank television screen that Tony had made him buy a couple of weeks earlier.

It was then that Tony knew that it was over, knew that he had messed up too much to repair things between them. He didn't want it to end, not like that, not ever, but he really couldn't see himself coming out to the team. He wasn't gay and didn't want to become the guy that others thought to have slept his way to the top. He couldn't do that, he just couldn't. So he had packed his things and had left Gibbs' house that night, leaving the older man and their relationship behind.

At first he had been angry at Gibbs for being so uncompromising, but the feeling had soon given way to loneliness. He had managed to keep in check for the most part, had tried to be as professional as possible at work and it had worked for the majority of the time. But sometimes, and even when he was at the office if Abby's behavior towards him was anything to go by, he couldn't help but miss the older man, couldn't help but wonder how the others would have reacted, couldn't help but feel the pang of loneliness inside of him. But it had been alright, he hadn't been hurting _that much_ until that phone call two days earlier. His father's death had thrown him for a loop and he simply couldn't handle it on top of everything else. The thing with the unknown fiancée was just the tip of the iceberg, really.

It hadn't been until he had been sitting on that bench that he realized he needed Gibbs. He didn't need him as a boss, didn't need him as a shoulder to cry on. He just needed _him_, it was as simple as that. But he had made pretty damn sure that he wouldn't be there for him ever again. He had, however, sworn to himself that he would apologize properly once he was home again, would tell the older man that he had been wrong before. He knew that it would be too little and too late, but he really did owe him an apology. It certainly wouldn't help them get back together, but he couldn't possibly live in a world where Gibbs wasn't talking to him, wasn't even looking at him. It was as simple as that.

Tony felt slightly better when he stepped into the hotel room. At least he had a plan now, at least he had finally realized that there was more out there than just pretenses. He sighed as he put his wallet on a dresser next to the door and could only think about getting into bed and watching a couple of mindless movies. He stopped short, though, as he realized that he wasn't alone.

Gibbs was sitting on a chair by the window, looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face. It made Tony slightly queasy inside because he hadn't expected to see him again so soon.

"What are you still doing here?" he finally asked when Gibbs made no move to start talking.

The older man just shrugged and remained silent for a moment or two before he visibly shook himself and got up. He didn't get any closer to Tony, though, as he finally answered.

"Wanted to make sure you were alright, I guess."

Tony stared at him, trying to come to terms with Gibbs' behavior. He didn't know what to do with these mixed signals the older man was sending him. First he basically sent him packing and now he was there in their hotel room, looking all lost and still somehow concerned about him.

"Why?" he finally choked out, still not knowing how to deal with all of that despite his earlier determination to apologize to the man in front of him.

Gibbs stayed silent once again as he obviously tried to come up with an answer. Tony let him figure it out because it wasn't like he knew what to say either at the moment.

"I shouldn't have," Gibbs finally started quietly. "Said those things before. You're not like your father, Tony, not at all. Didn't mean to upset you. I really just wanted to be… there, I suppose. Was a stupid idea to come here with you."

Tony stared at him and blinked a couple of times. Had Gibbs really just kind of apologized to him? And if he had, why?

"What?" he eventually said unable to come up with something more intelligent. "I mean why do think it was stupid?"

Gibbs let out a rather sarcastic sounding snort of a bitter laugh. "You serious?" He shook his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Clearly we can't even be in the same room without fighting. I just thought I could do stuff for you here to help you… get through this. But it's been stupid thinking. Kind of knew that _before,_ too."

"Then why did you come?" Tony asked barely above a whisper now.

Gibbs cocked his head to one side as if he could look at Tony more closely that way. He didn't answer immediately, instead he seemed to be taking a couple of deep breaths as if it'd cost him too much energy to actually say what was on his mind.

"Because," he finally said so quietly that Tony intuitively made a step forward to understand him better. "I still care about you, Tony."

The younger man stared at him for a couple of moments before he blinked once, trying to hold back the sudden need to break down and cry. He had expected many things, but not that. Sure, he had always known that the man cared, but he had never thought that he would actually say the words. Ever.

"But why, Jethro?" he replied, averting his eyes from Gibbs to stare at the bed instead. "Why do you still care when all I did was act like an ass towards you?"

Gibbs made a step towards him, the former careful expression replaced by determination and something that Tony couldn't place, but looked oddly vulnerable.

"Because," the older man finally answered, his voice a little louder and steadier now. "I love you, you idiot. That doesn't just go away."

Tony opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Gibbs looked like he was about to kick himself for saying those words for the first time and Tony desperately wanted to reply, wanted to say… something, but no words would leave his lips. Just as he was about to clear his throat to try again – and he still had no idea what he actually wanted to say because his mind was blanking and his heart was beating too furiously in his chest – his cell phone started to ring. He reached into the pocket of his pants automatically and pressed the right button without looking at the caller ID.

"DiNozzo," he said, sounding like a little boy because his voice was somehow small and quiet.

"Tony?" an unknown female voice said on the other end of the line. "This is Lindsay… your father's fiancée."

* * *

_A/N: Sorry for the double-cliffhanger :D Hope you liked it, though.  
_


	5. Revelations

_A/N: Thanks for all your reviews, alerts and favorites! Here comes the second to last chapter. Hope you like it and thanks for reading!_

* * *

**Chapter Five: Revelations**

"_Tony?" an unknown female voice said on the other end of the line. "This is Lindsay… your father's fiancée."_

Tony didn't answer for a moment or two, his gaze still fixed on Gibbs who was looking more uncomfortable by the second. Did he already regret having said those three little words? Did he already wish he hadn't blurted it out like that? But before Tony could dwell on that particular thought for too long, the voice on the other end spoke again.

"Tony? Are you there?"

"Yeah," he finally said slowly. "Hi."

"I've really hoped we could have met under different circumstances," Lindsay said now, regret clearly perceivable, which made Tony finally snap out of his trance. "Listen, I know you don't know me yet, but I was hoping we could meet sometime? Tony's lawyer called me earlier that you were in town, is that right?"

"Uh, yeah," Tony answered, unable to come up with much more.

"How does dinner sound? I know it is short notice, but I really want to meet you, Tony."

"Uh, yeah," Tony said again, idly wondering if Lindsay thought he was totally retarded by now. "I'd like to, Miss Green."

"Oh sweetie, nobody called me a Miss in a very long time," Lindsay chuckled. "So how about six-thirty at your father's favorite restaurant?"

"Sounds good," Tony replied, wondering why in the world he was even agreeing to this. He didn't want to have dinner with the latest of his father's flings.

"Alright then, I'll make the arrangements," the woman interrupted his train of thought. "See you later."

"Bye," Tony answered automatically and then ended the call, staring at his phone for a moment, acutely aware of Gibbs' eyes on him.

When he finally looked up at again, reluctantly meeting Gibbs' gaze, he felt his heart sink in an instant. While the older man had looked rather sympathetic moments before, his expression had changed into the same unreadable mask he had worn earlier. It made Tony even more nervous that he couldn't decipher Gibbs' expression. It was something he had mastered a long time ago, but something was just so off these last couple of days and he simply couldn't do it anymore.

"That was my father's fiancée," he finally explained. "She wants to meet up for dinner."

"You going?" Gibbs asked, sounding slightly disappointed.

"I didn't think I wanted to meet some girl younger than me, but she actually didn't sound like a… I don't know, she just sounded older… So, yeah, I think I'm going."

"Okay," Gibbs pressed out and then grabbed his bag that was sitting on the bed and which Tony hadn't noticed before now. "I'll get going then. Get out of your hair."

"No," Tony all but cried out, grabbing Gibbs' left forearm. "Don't."

Gibbs stopped short, but wouldn't look at him. Tony remained silent, trying to figure out why he didn't want the older man to leave, but came up empty for the moment. All he knew was that it felt oddly good to touch the older man again, to be close again, just to be there with him.

"Why?" Gibbs finally asked.

Tony let out a sigh through his nose, but didn't let go of the other man, instead gripped him a little bit tighter.

"Because I don't want you to go."

"Why?"

"Because… I don't know!" Tony threw up his hands, finally losing his grip on Gibbs, who in return turned to look at him. "I just want you here."

"It's not enough, Tony," Gibbs said after a moment of silence. "Can't do it like this."

"Please?" the younger man begged, finally finding the eye contact he had been searching for. "I can't deal with all of this right now. It's all too much. I promise we'll talk later, okay? I just… I want you here. I know you're mad and all, but I just really need you, okay?"

Gibbs stared at him for a couple of long moments, his head cocked to one side and Tony could almost see the resolution to leave him there crumble away. Finally, the older man grunted and then nodded.

"Fine."

Tony let out a sigh of relief and felt the sudden urge to hug the other man rise inside of him. He refrained, though, because he had no idea how Gibbs would react and he wasn't entirely sure of himself at the moment. The big L-Word hung like a thundercloud over them and Tony simply couldn't deal with it at the moment, he couldn't return the words because he didn't know what the consequences would be. He wasn't ready for the aftermath. One way or the other. And even though Gibbs looked kind of crushed at the moment, he finally nodded at him, one side of his mouth quirking up in a sad attempt of a smile.

"Thanks," Tony finally said and really meant it, too.

Gibbs just nodded again, letting his bag drop to the ground before he sat down on the bed.

"So, uh, when are you meeting with her?"

"Six-thirty."

"Okay," Gibbs replied, checking his watch. It was a little past five. "You, uh, want me to come with you?"

Tony looked at him for a long moment, trying to decide. He knew that he really wanted him there in case something went wrong, but then he realized that he would have to explain why his boss of all people was there with him. He stopped short at that, closing his eyes as the knowledge settled in that he was turning in circles again. He was still reluctant telling other people about them, even if there wasn't even a _them _at the moment. He considered telling Gibbs no, he didn't want him to tag along, but he couldn't do it. He really needed him there. So he finally sighed loudly and then looked at the older man again.

"Yeah, I'd appreciate it."

"'kay, then I'll be there," Gibbs replied with the tiniest smiles, which made something in Tony's stomach flutter all of a sudden.

"Thanks," he just replied, sinking down on the bed next to Gibbs.

.

Tony heard his own pulse rush loudly through his ears as they were led to their table by a waitress. The person sitting at the table was a nice looking lady, probably a little older than Gibbs, with a gentle and genuine smile. Tony stared at her for a second or two, still not believing that his father of all people had fallen for a woman like that and not some twenty-something bimbo who only wanted him for his money.

"Hi Tony," Lindsay said, smiling at him as they shook hands before she turned towards Gibbs, extending her hand to him, too. "And you must be Gibbs."

"Yeah, I am," Gibbs replied obviously confused as to why she knew his name. "Nice to meet you."

"Not to be rude or anything," Tony spoke up as they sat down. "But how do you know who he is?"

Lindsay chuckled ever so slightly and smiled crookedly at him. "Tony – I mean your father – he, uh, told me such great things about you and he mentioned Gibbs here quite a lot, too. Just figured you would take him as you're obviously close to each other."

"Dad said that?" Tony checked back incredulously.

"Yep," Lindsay smiled again. "I know you were probably angry that he hasn't told you about our plans to get married, but we had plans to visit you in a couple of weeks to tell you. I'm so sorry we had to meet like this."

At the last words, her voice had become quiet with sadness crossing her face and Tony felt his heart sink as he realized that this woman had apparently really loved his father.

"I'm sorry, too," he finally said.

.

The rest of the dinner was filled with small talk and Tony found himself at ease with Gibbs and Lindsay there. His dad's fiancée was nice and he really, really liked her and judging from the few laughs she had managed to elicit from Gibbs, the other man seemed to like her, too. She had even somehow managed to make him forget about the worries he had harbored about Gibbs being there. He felt somewhat good for the first time in weeks, could laugh at the same jokes as Gibbs and didn't mind the few accidental brushes of their hands under the table. Okay, maybe they hadn't been all that accidental from his side, but he didn't care. Gibbs hadn't drawn back and that was all he needed at the moment.

After dinner, with Gibbs having excused himself to the bathroom, Tony stood by the entrance waiting for him when Lindsay, who had already said goodbye to them a minute earlier, snuck up on him again.

"Hey, I almost forgot about it, sweetie, but I have something for you."

She rummaged through the pocket of her coat for a moment before he handed him a small box.

"I know your father left it to me," she continued as Tony opened it and saw his mother's ring in there. "But it didn't feel right. I want you to have it."

Tony blinked, his eyes still on the ring in his hand, desperately trying not to cry. How did she just _know_? He nodded almost imperceptibly before he whispered. "Thank you."

"No need to thank me," she replied, patting his free hand. "I'm sure you have much more use for it. Give it to a girl who's worth it – or to your Gibbs, though I doubt it'll be his style."

Tony finally looked up and stared at her with wide eyes, trying to figure out when in the world s_he _had figured that one out. He was still searching for something to say when Lindsay just chuckled and patted his hand again.

"You'd have to be blind, Tony, not to see the way he looks at you when he thinks you're not looking. It's true the other way around, too."

"I…," Tony started, still baffled and feeling his cheeks flush. "We…"

"You don't have to tell me anything you're not comfortable with," Lindsay replied with a smile. "Just… I don't know, cherish each other as long as you're both here, you know?"

With that she turned around and left him standing there, looking after her and being unable to move. His mind was suddenly racing as he realized that it was apparently really obvious even to an outsider how Gibbs felt about him and how he felt about him in return. And he suddenly also noticed that he didn't mind Lindsay knowing. Hell, not only did he not mind, he simply didn't care…  
But before he could dwell on it for too long, he was startled out of his jumbled thoughts when Gibbs was suddenly standing right next to him, staring intently at him.

"You okay?" he asked quietly as if he was afraid Tony would break if he talked too loudly.

"Yeah," Tony replied distractedly, returning to stare at the box in his hand. "Just realized what big an idiot I am."

* * *

_A/N: You know what would really cheer me up after the really, really disappointing and sad casting news? Reviews xD  
_


	6. We are One

_A/N: Thanks, guys, for the patience. I'm a little late on this one, but I finally managed to finish it. Hope you'll like the last chapter of this story. I had fun writing it and I hope you'll enjoy this. Thanks for your reviews! :)_

* * *

**Chapter Six: We are One**

Tony unlocked the door to their hotel room half an hour later, feeling like a kid before Christmas. A couple of hours before he had been afraid of the talk with Gibbs, but now, after a mostly quiet ride home, he knew what he wanted, needed, to say. He still wasn't sure what Gibbs would say, still wasn't sure if it was really what he wanted, but for once he wouldn't listen to his head. It was time to follow his gut or maybe even his heart. He had been afraid of so many things before, but something inside him had resolved itself at Lindsay's words. He wouldn't waste his time together with Gibbs, would cherish what they had instead of obsessing over things he didn't even have control over.

"Here we are," he finally said as he shed his coat and threw it over one of the chairs by the window before he sat down on the bed, fidgeting with the fabric of his jeans ever so slightly.

"That we are," Gibbs grunted in reply as he loosened the tie around his neck.

Tony watched him for a moment only realizing now that he was wearing the suit Tony had bought for him as an extra birthday gift a couple of months ago. It was always the little things with Gibbs and Tony suddenly realized that he didn't want those little reminders of the other man's affection for him to disappear for whatever reason.

"Look, Gibbs," Tony finally started when the older man had sat down on one of the chairs facing him. "I'm sorry."

"Okay," Gibbs accepted the apology despite the fact that he usually hated them. "For what exactly?"

"Everything," Tony let out a sigh, rubbing a hand over his face before looking at the other man again. "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did back when you asked me to tell the others about us. I was just… I was afraid, I guess, wasn't ready to come out to them."

"Are you now?" Gibbs checked back so quietly that Tony leaned forward ever so slightly.

"I'm still afraid of how they're going to react," he answered and saw Gibbs' expression fall. "But I'm afraid of a lot of things. Telling my friends how I feel shouldn't be one of those, you know."

"So you want to tell them?"

"Depends," Tony answered, shifting ever so slightly.

"On what?"

"On whether or not there is still something to tell."

Tony continued to stare at Gibbs who had gotten rather pale in the last couple of minutes. He was still looking right back at him, his eyes searching his face. Tony knew that he was asking a hell of a lot from the other man. But, well, he had told him just today that he loved him, so it couldn't be that hard to forgive him, right? Gibbs, however, was still looking rather grimly at him despite the support he had shown at dinner earlier. Just as Tony started to feel slightly queasy inside due to the other man's silence, Gibbs finally cleared his throat and shrugged.

"It's not that easy, Tony."

"Why not?" Tony replied, his voice somehow an octave to high. "We just broke up because I was a coward, I can change that now. In fact, who do you want to tell first? I'll call Abby right now if that's what you want."

He reached for the cell phone in the pocket of his pants, but then caught sight of Gibbs shaking his head ever so slightly, so he stopped short, feeling his heart sink even further.

"What?" he finally stammered out.

He didn't get it. Wasn't this all Gibbs ever wanted? Telling the others about their relationship? Why was he so reluctant and reserved now?

"Do you think that will solve it all? Calling Abby and telling her about us?"

"What else is there?"

"You really don't get it, do you?" Gibbs asked, intently staring at him.

Tony felt his insides freeze at the cold stare he was receiving and felt his insides clench at the thought that there might be more to Gibbs' anger than not telling their friends. After a moment, Gibbs let out a sigh and ran a hand through his short-cropped hair before he got up and paced around the room.

"It's not about telling them. It's only part of it, Tony," he finally started to explain when Tony remained silent. "I don't want to force you to do things you don't."

"You're not forcing me to do anything," Tony objected immediately. "I want to tell them."

"No, you don't. You just want to tell them because you think it's what _I _want and I appreciate that, but…"

"No, I want to tell them," Tony interrupted him. "I know I didn't want to before, but if it's what gets us get back together I'll do it."

"See," Gibbs just replied, giving him a pointed look. "You don't want to because of the right reasons."

"What does it matter, Gibbs?" Tony cried out now, getting up from where he had been sitting on the bed to face the other man. "I know I screwed up before, okay? But I want to make things right. If my father has taught me one thing this week it's that you don't waste your time with the people you care about," Tony frantically tried to explain what was on his mind, but Gibbs seemed unfazed by it all.

"Tony," the older man interrupted him quietly as he finally looked him in the eyes again. "I don't need someone who complies with my every wish. I want someone who's comfortable enough to be with me without questioning our every move. I want someone who's proud to be with me, who doesn't care what anyone else thinks. It's my fault that I let it go on like that for so long. I should have clued in the first time I brought up telling the others and you shot me down."

Tony stared at Gibbs' expression and for a moment he was sure that there were actual tears shining in his eyes. Tony blinked against the moisture in his own eyes as he realized that he had been an even bigger asshole than he had thought. He didn't like seeing Gibbs like that, didn't like that the other man thought he was that kind of person. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, took a deep breath and then stepped into the other man's personal space. He needed to tell him that he was wrong, needed to tell him that he cared more for him than he cared to admit and that he didn't want things to end like this, not when he had finally realized just how much he actually cared about him.

"No, Jethro," he finally started quietly and barely above a whisper. "It's not like that. I've never felt more secure than when I was with you. It just… this whole thing hit me so unprepared that I freaked out, okay? I know I've been an idiot, but back then I just didn't see what the problem was with not telling the others. I thought it was just about getting out there, but I now realize that it was more than that to you and I'm sorry for not seeing that. This thing we had was… so good and I was afraid of jinxing it, but that doesn't even make sense, I know that now. I know it's lame and maybe too late, but I really want to tell them now because I want them to see how happy we are… or were. I mean… Jethro, I've fallen in and out of love faster than I could count to ten for all my life. And then you came around and I was falling for you step by step and so slowly that I hardly even noticed it… and when I did finally realize that I felt something for you, you were just there like you've waited for me years, you know? You were so much farther into the relationship than me right from the beginning that I just… never caught up. But that doesn't mean that I don't feel the same way about you. I'm just so damn slow in comprehending this stuff because I just never had it. I never thought I'd deserve it. All my life… I mean even my dad never…"

Tony felt the first tear run down his cheek now, but he didn't bother to wipe it away because he was too focused on the blue eyes right in front of him.

"I _am_ proud to be with you," he started over even quieter now, afraid of spooking the moment away if he talked too loudly. "Sometimes I couldn't believe that it was you of all people I was sharing things with. I know that's no excuse and doesn't make much sense, but what we had… was special to me. Still is. I don't want to keep on wasting what we had… So tell me what I can do to make this alright again."

There was silence for a long moment and Tony didn't even dare to breathe in case it would interrupt Gibbs' train of thought. So he just continued to look at him, trying to decipher his thoughts. Finally, Gibbs let out a sigh and his shoulders visibly relaxed as he subtly shook his head.

"You don't need to do anything, Tony," he replied, one side of his mouth quirking up for the first time since they had started talking. "You just told me everything I needed to know."

"Is that good or bad?" Tony couldn't help but joke, letting out a pathetic attempt of a laugh because tears were still streaming down his face at the same time.

"It's good if you want me to kiss you later."

"Later?" Tony replied, wiping at his tears.

"Yeah, first I need to say some things. And I'll only say them once."

Tony nodded, slightly taken aback by the soft tone of voice.

"Tony, whoever made you feel like you're not worth being loved is the biggest idiot on earth and I want to beat the crap out of them. Maybe I should have told you earlier how I felt about you, but I just felt like I needed to wait for you to catch up. And when you did, I thought that this was it. No more problems, no more hold-ups. Clearly I was wrong about that, but that doesn't mean I ever lost faith in you… or us. When you came over the night Noah visited me, I thought you were there because you wanted to talk to me, because you wanted to make up. I can't tell you how disappointed I was at first that it was just about your dad. I know it sounds horrible because, well, you just lost your father, but I couldn't help it… I came here with you because I wanted to make sure you were alright, wanted to make sure that you weren't falling apart over this. And I'm glad I did because maybe I managed to hammer it into your head this time that you deserve to be loved, even if you don't believe it. Your dad loved you, too, Tony, even if the idiot hasn't told you that enough. Abby, McGee, Ziva… they all love you, too. And you want to know why? Because you'd give everything for them and they'd do the same in a heartbeat. Do you get that?"

Tony stared at him with wide eyes and nodded almost imperceptibly, unable to say anything because he was afraid that his voice would break. Did Gibbs really mean all of this? Had he really never given up on them?

"I care about you a lot, Tony," Gibbs continued quietly, his hand reaching out to hold Tony's. "And if breaking up was the right thing to do for you to understand that you're not alone, then fine. I just want you to forget about the idea you don't deserve anything. You deserve everything you want, Tony, because you're a good man… and I love you for it. Just accept it once in a while, can you do that?"

"I'll try," Tony managed to answer and was about to continue when Jethro stepped closer and engaged him in a hug so tight that Abby would have been very proud if she had been there to witness it.

Tony's arms came around the other man almost automatically, but he then held on tightly, burying his face in Gibbs' shoulder, still absorbing everything the older man had just told him. He was right, Tony hadn't been afraid of what the others might think about his relationship of him, not really. He had been afraid of them not accepting him the way he really was. He had been afraid of them leaving him behind. He didn't know how he had never seen it before, but it really was like he had been fighting the demon of his self-induced loneliness. But he was willing to let it go now, was willing to really let people in. He let out a sob he hadn't known he had been holding and felt Gibbs' tighten the grip on him. He never wanted him to let him go, wanted to stay like that forever and Jethro seemed to realize that, too, because he just held on to him, never uttering a single word.

Eventually, the sobs died down, the tears dried and Tony let go and stepped back a bit to look at the other man. Gibbs gave him a crooked smile, but still said nothing, waiting for Tony to do it.

"I'm sorry," Tony finally spoke up, his voice small and quiet once again. "I really am. And… thank you. I don't know what to say."

"Don't need to say anything," Gibbs replied gruffly. "You'll make it."

"No," Tony replied and shook his head, trying to smile at the other man. "We'll make it."

Gibbs just nodded as if he understood that this was Tony's way of saying I love you. He wasn't ready to voice that one yet, but he was sure that Gibbs knew anyway. He'd tell him someday and it would mean the world to both to them. But for now it was enough to see the older man look at him like that with a fully blown smile that made Tony's knees weak. He returned it and for the first time in days, weeks, hell, months relaxed as he stepped closer again and planted a chaste kiss on the other man's lips. Yeah, they'd be okay, they'd make it work.

.

Much, much later Tony watched the other man sleep. He was lying right next to him in the bed of their hotel room and he couldn't remember a time when he had felt more grounded. They hadn't done anything other than talk and kiss from time to time, but it wasn't important now. All what mattered was that they were _there _and that they were determined to make it through. Tony smiled to himself, then reached for his cell phone and scrolled through his contacts. He knew they would have to do the whole coming out thing properly soon, but he had to tell somebody now. It had nothing to do with complying with Gibbs' wishes, but with Tony's desire to actually show the world that he was happy for once. So, he clicked on McGee's name and then tried to decide what to write. He finally decided on the direct approach, hoping that Tim wouldn't die of a heart attack reading it.

_I'm seeing Gibbs._

Tony turned around and resumed watching the other man in his bed. He always looked much more relaxed in his sleep, sometimes he even smiled when he dreamed and Tony loved that about him. He was so absorbed in his own thoughts that he startled when the phone started to vibrate in his hand. He unlocked the screen and then smiled when he read Tim's reply.

_Biiig surprise there. I'm not blind, Tony, we all knew. Congrats, though. But please don't ever text me at three in the morning again._

Tony shook his head and threw the phone back onto the nightstand. He really had been stupid not seeing what was right there in front of him. Even the others had figured it out before him. It didn't matter though. Not anymore. He felt loved for the first time in his life and it seemed like his inner demons had escaped for the moment. They would come back sometime, he knew that, but he was also sure that Gibbs would help him get rid of them, hopefully once and for all.


End file.
